Thursday, May 16, 2013

Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia: Addiction & a Give-Away


Thanks for coming by in honor of the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia

At first I was going to tell you about my addiction. How by the time I was 16 years old (deeply in the closet) I was an alcoholic. I was going to talk about how at 24, I had something open my eyes and I chose to stop drinking, on my own with no help. I was going to talk about how instead I punished myself by getting married, and having children. I came out and asked for a divorce when I was 30. I turn 33 in a few months and still haven't successfully achieved the divorce, but we have been separated for over 2 years. I was going to talk about my 8 year struggle to stay sober, but that isn't really what this is about. 

Members of the LGBTQ community are much more likely to abuse substances like drugs and alcohol than our straight counterparts. I feel like this is directly related to non-acceptance, either by friends and family or just by society at large. Addiction is not something that should be a right of passage for our youth. You can be young and have fun and make idiotic decisions without the haze of drugs and alcohol to lead the way. Our kids shouldn't feel like they NEED alcohol and drugs to numb the pain of living, because living INSIDE the addiction isn't living. I promise you this.

It makes me angry sometimes the excuses that I hear people use.. Well, I'm not as bad as I used to be, or I don't drink THAT much. You don't hate me do you? I don't HATE you, I just wish that you could see how amazing you are without a chemical in your system. That you shouldn't have to feel guilty about being different. You shouldn't have to be loaded to be okay. You are beautiful and amazing and perfect just the way you are.

But chemicals aren't the only thing those of us in the the LGBTQ community get addicted to. Sex. Society projects this image of promiscuity specifically in the gay community and we have latched on to it with a fervor that is terrifying. Nameless, faceless, meaningless sex. Don't get me wrong.. I like sex as much as the next person. And that shouldn't have to be a right of passage either. If you are hardwired that way, then awesome and more power to you. But if you aren't and you think that's all there is, that's simply untrue. If what you want is a stable relationship, then being lesbian, gay, trans, bi, whatever... shouldn't be a deterrent to that.

But you have to LOVE you, before anyone else truly can. And honestly I think that is what most addiction boils down to. People that LOVE themselves don't cut, or abuse drugs and alcohol, or use sex as a tool for keeping people from seeing the real you.  The most important relationship you will ever ever have is the one you cultivate with yourself. And it is a relationship like any other. You have to keep nurturing it, because if you don't, you can find yourself in some shitty places.

Did I love myself when I quit using? Probably not. It took me a long time to get there, and some days I'm still struggling both with the addiction and with my own self image. I know that I don't want to see kids struggling with the same things I did. I know that we can only do that by continuing to work towards change, even if it's only one person at a time. I don't have all the answers, or necessarily any of them. I know we have to keep on moving forward. We have to keep speaking out against injustice, and not just injustice perpetrated against us but against everyone. Bad people win when good people do nothing.

Soooo enough of my rambling and onto what you are really here for. The give-away..  I thought long and hard about this and was pretty stumped as what to offer, so I have decided to offer an lgbtq e-book of your choice from Amazon *10$ or under limit please* OR a $10 donation in your name to the Matthew Shepard Foundation. I will randomly draw a winner on 27 May. The winner will be announced on the blog. On our Facebook  and on my Twitter feed (@engineerqueen), I will also email the winners if they haven't responded by May 29th.

To be entered in the giveaway all you have to do is comment below with your email address. :)


  1. Your comment about loving yourself first before anyone else can or before you can sort out how to be yourself is so true.

    Donate to MSF if I am drawn

    littlesuze at

  2. i admire you for being able to become sober. i am sure it was no mean feat to do. i also sympathize with how you felt. i grew up with a variety of learning disabilties and because of that the kids i grew up with were SO cruel and more or less made my life a living hell. i probably would have done what you did but my mother had the wisdom to get me an excellent counselor who was able to keep me from harming myself and ensuring i became a healthy well adjusted adult

  3. Thank you for taking part in the hop!

  4. Great post. As one of the organizers of the HAHAT, I want to say thank you for participating and spreading the good word.


  5. Hey sweetie, great heartfelt post. I think you are wonderful, brave and admirable.

    "you have to LOVE you..." Words of wisdom ;)


  6. What a beautiful post, thank you for sharing. It takes a lot of courage to be that open, but I think courage comes from self-love, too :)


  7. Thank you for sharing and for writing this post and taking part in the hop.

    humhumbum AT yahoo DOT com

  8. Thank you for your great post. Thanks for participating in the blog hop!

    awindandbooks at gmail dot com

  9. Thank you for the opportunity to win and participating in the hop.


  10. Thank You everyone for the wonderful responses, and for entering the give-away. I've been traveling for the last three days and other than approving comments, haven't had a chance to really read any of them. You humble me. Thank you.

  11. That was an awesome post. Thanks for doing the hop!


  12. Carrie Ann - Thank you for sharing your story and providing all of these links to make accessing the other blogs so easy ... and, of course, for the contest :-).


  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

  14. I am having blogger issues today, and accidentally deleted a comment from Sophie Bonaste:

    Thank You so much for Sharing you wonderful post and participating in this amazing hop!

    Thank you Sophie for dropping by, and I am so sorry that your post got deleted. Luckily my email retained a copy! <3

  15. It's so true that you have to love yourself. I've suffered from depression my whole life, and I've only recently started trying to love myself for who I am and coming to terms with myself. Thanks for sharing Carrie and for participating!


  16. "But you have to LOVE you, before anyone else truly can." This. This says it all. I love this post. Thank you so much for sharing your story!

  17. I just read 'It's Raining Men' by Rick R. Reed. It was a poignant portrayal of a man who was addicted to sex. He used it to numb his feelings just like any other drug. His struggle out of it was heartbreaking but ended on a happy note. Thanks for sharing your story with us and encouraging others to take charge of their lives.

  18. I think that everyone goes through that. I'm still trying to accept and love myself. . I can't seem to move on until I do that. Thanks for being a part of the hop.
    jessangil at gmail dot com

  19. Thank you for the post.

    peggy1984 at live dot com

  20. Great post! Thank you for taking part in the hop!
    sstrode at scrtc dot com

  21. Thank you so much for your participation: The winner is Karl. :)


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